College Choices Hanging Over My Head

There was a brief point in this whole process when I thought making a college decision was going to be easy.

Yep, fourth grade was a pretty solid year.

In that great time of certainty, I was absolutely positive that I would be in Stanford University’s Class of 2015. Back then, I loved everything about Stanford: the rigorous academics, the athletics, the California weather and even the ridiculous tree mascot they have.

Now, fast-forward eight years, and I didn’t even consider applying to Stanford my senior year.

Unfortunately, deciding on a college has become an overwhelmingly long and difficult progression, or lack thereof.

Even worse, it seems that almost everyone I’ve talked to mentions that “aha” moment where they just knew what college was right for them. Rather than give their thought process or provide advice on how they decided, most people say, “I just knew.”

Great.

I have 16 days left to make a decision, and, despite nine college visits, I have never gotten close to such an experience of divine understanding.

I’ve narrowed down my choices to the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill, Santa Clara University and the University of Missouri, but have been stuck at the proverbial crossroads for weeks now.

I’ve even looked for signs. I always think that maybe I’ll know if I see the Tar Heel’s light blue painted somewhere, or if Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” comes on the radio one more time or maybe if MU sends me a 3,000th piece of mail.

Still, nothing has worked, and I’m beginning to believe that the universe forgot to send me the message I was supposed to receive weeks ago.

After months of filling out applications and being as thorough as possible, I’m in the very position I have been trying to avoid all along.

I have to make a decision with second-guessed gut feelings, no real inclination one way or the other and the next four years of my life in the balance.

In other words, I’m absolutely terrified.

Decisions are the toughest when you don’t know what you want, and, at this point, I have no idea what I want. Everything I thought I was sure of (major, size of school, distance away from Kansas City) is no longer certain.

I’m more lost than Rory McIlroy on Sunday during the Masters.

I went into this whole process thinking that decisions of this magnitude would come to me, but I was wrong. In the next 16 days, I will make the biggest decision of my life, and it will be accompanied by great fear.

But I guess that’s the way things are supposed to be sometimes. Decisions won’t always come easily, and, occasionally, they just have to be made even when you’re not ready to make them.

Still, just once, I wish things would be easy.

 

Tags College Column: Coming to Terms decisions wilbers